


Penpals

by HouseofSannae



Series: Kingdom Hearts Ψ [4]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Existential Angst, Gen, Kairi and Naminé are the main focus, all other relationships are mentioned in passing, implied suicidal thoughts, what a shame that tags have to spoil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-24 04:53:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13206387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HouseofSannae/pseuds/HouseofSannae
Summary: A look at what's going on in Kairi and Naminé's minds now that they can talk to each other, just before Kairi is brought to begin her Keyblade training.





	Penpals

            There are days when Kairi wakes up and wonders how she can really be this lucky.

            After two years of waiting, wondering, and fearing the worst, both of her boys were back. Alive, unharmed, and for the most part, whole. She couldn’t say they hadn’t been changed by their ordeals, but they’d come out the better for it: Sora, slightly more mature and comfortable with buckling down to do hard work; Riku, confident in his place at their sides and no longer as impatient.

            They’d been through hell for her, quite literally, both having spent time in the Realm of Darkness. She was prepared to do the exact same and more for the both of them if given half the chance. And, she’d remind herself on the nights alone in her room where nobody was there to watch her summon and stare at _Destiny’s Embrace_ in awe, that chance would likely come soon.

            There are also days where she wakes up terrified of what the future will hold.

            But right now, at this second, she was safe. Sora was safe. Riku was safe. And they were together.

            And they were “together”.

            Which had been an interesting adjustment, to say the least.

            It was further complicated by her and Sora’s “passengers”. Sora was sharing headspace with his former Nobody, Roxas, a keybearer named Ventus, and a former Replica, Xion. Ventus was currently asleep, but Roxas and Xion were both awake and active, able to temporarily take control of Sora’s body with his consent, and could communicate with Sora by leaving him notes.

            Kairi, meanwhile, was learning to live with Naminé.

            Her own Nobody, Naminé had willingly come back to Kairi, and unlike Roxas, didn’t seem to consider that a bad thing. She might even have been asleep, Kairi thought, until they had awakened her to figure out who Xion was.

            They had their own notebook of conversations, and to Kairi at least, it was sort of like having a sister. Naminé had taken to early morning walks, which Kairi was glad to let her do; she was definitely not a morning person. The pinboard in her room had become covered with tiny pencil sketches, of Sora and Riku, of the play island, of lighthouses and boats, and two done from Naminé’s memory of Roxas and Xion. Her father had been nonplussed by the sudden influx of art, but said nothing about it. It wasn’t the worst hobby his daughter could have.

            It had been interesting, meeting the three of them. Roxas had initially requested hers and Riku’s help gathering seashells as an apology gift to Xion. Knowing that he was Sora’s Nobody, she had been expecting something of a carbon copy of her friend. What she had gotten was a quiet, somewhat shy, but genuine person who had only the barest of resemblances to Sora. Where Sora never let anything bother him, Roxas had a tendency to brood. Knowing both of them, she couldn’t believe anyone could confuse the two. The look of astonishment on his face when she said as much a couple days later had warmed her heart. He had mumbled something about understanding, now, and she had pushed him off the bench. They were both laughing too hard to care.

            Getting to know Xion had been stranger, because she had been expecting someone similar to herself. And the girl was similar to her, but different in subtle, unexpected ways. Xion wasn’t a replica of her, Kairi was coming to understand, but a replica of how Sora, at the time, had seen her. In a way, it was flattering. But Xion had become someone else over time, someone other than a collection of Sora’s memories. She had been alone, for so long. But now she had Roxas back, and she had Sora, and Riku, and now Kairi, and it would be a simple conversation to give Lea his memories of her back. She was in a good place, surrounded by friends, and Kairi was glad to be one of them.

            The only person she couldn’t talk to directly was Naminé. The two had to converse though a notebook they carried on their person. Their brief meeting when Naminé rescued her through a Dark Corridor prior to them becoming one had left Kairi with the impression that Naminé was, regardless of what she had done, lonely. She wanted, desperately, to hug the other girl and tell her she was safe, but she couldn’t. Naminé had demurred when she wrote as much to her, saying that she was perfectly fine; that being with her was all that she had wanted. As far as Kairi could tell, things were okay, and she trusted that Naminé would let her know if they weren’t.

            Though the shadows still lingered on the horizon, Kairi was happy. She had her old friends, she had her new friends, and very soon she’d be able to protect them all the way they had for so long defended her.

            Right now, she was sure, she was practically in Paradise.

 

 

            Naminé wasn’t quite sure why she wasn’t in Hell.

            She had expected… what, exactly?

            To fade away and disappear into Kairi’s consciousness. For rejoining her to mean giving up the autonomy that she frankly hadn’t been able to do much with, anyway. An out, to a life that had gone from one prison to another.

            So why was she still here?

            Why was she still “Naminé”? Why could she still consider herself to be a _self_ , instead of a part of Kairi?

            Learning that Roxas was still around didn’t surprise her. He had always considered himself as separate from Sora, giving his Somebody little to no regard. Of course his heart would refuse to fade.

            Learning that Xion had survived had literally brought tears to her eyes. Another trespass to add to the pile; convincing someone to give up their life for someone else, telling them flat out that they would die, and being _wrong_. She hadn’t even realized the puppet had had a heart of her own. But her loyalty to, maybe even love of, Roxas had kept her with him. She was alive, and didn’t have to be alone anymore.

            Naminé was alone. She always was, useless Nobody that shouldn’t even still exist.

            She had given up on “shouldn’t have ever existed”. That had made her cry, too, when Sora’s mom had told her that no one _should_ exist; it’s enough that they do. So maybe the circumstances of her birth were irrelevant. So what?

            She was supposed to be dead.

            She wasn’t supposed to still be here.

            Why was she still here?

            The interior of Kairi’s head was the third prison she’d lived in. On the one hand, this time her jailer appeared to be actively concerned for her safety, if the considerations Kairi kept giving her were any indication. On the other hand, now she didn’t even have a body to call her own. People would look at her and see Kairi, and never know that the heart and the body were mismatched.

            Of all of her captors, Kairi was the kindest, but in a way, this also made her the cruelest. Kairi didn’t understand that her body was Naminé’s prison, and under no circumstances could Naminé ever let her find out. It would hurt her so badly, to know that Naminé at times hated her for waking her back up, to know that every day she lived past her own death was pain, to know that all Naminé wanted was to come back to Kairi.

            And to stop being herself.

            Kairi needed to exist. Naminé did not.

            Kairi had a future and a job to do. Naminé did not.

            Kairi was a Princess; Naminé was a witch.

            Kairi was a Keybearer; Naminé was an aberration.

            So she hid it. Hid her pain, hid her self-loathing, pretended everything was fine. Didn’t let herself feel the anger, the pain, the rage and sorrow. Didn’t _really_ let Kairi in, didn’t let her see what was happening to her. Naminé would play the part of the good girl, the thankful passenger who didn’t have to fade away, the prisoner let out on parole in the mornings to buy art supplies and walk alone with her thoughts, though the warden was always only two paces behind her every step.

            The strangest thing was the envy. If she was feeling particularly self-torturous, Naminé could watch through Kairi’s eyes as she went about her day surrounded by friends. Even though she understood that she shouldn’t still exist, she wanted to be able to do that. To sit and laugh in the sun with people who genuinely, truly cared about her.

            But who could love a witch?

            It would be cruel of her to ask anyone to try.

            Better that she fade away, rather than risk hurting anyone again.

            But fading away could hurt Kairi. And more than anything else, she didn’t want that.

            So Naminé wasn’t in Hell. But she was in Purgatory, having willingly walked into yet another prison because she thought she’d finally be free.

            Instead, she was trapped like she’d never been before.

 

 

            _Hey Naminé, I don’t know if you were listening, but I’m going to tell you anyway. Yen Sid sent Riku to pick me up. I’m going to start training as a Keybearer!_ Kairi couldn’t keep the smile off her face as she wrote the words.

            _That’s great! Try to stay out of trouble, okay? Remember, it’s not just you in here._ Naminé was becoming very good at modulating her tone, even through text. She didn’t add her discomfort on being dragged on another jaunt through the worlds, and how Kairi seemed too pleased to be entering potentially life-threatening situations.

            _Of course I’ll be careful. I’m glad to have you here looking out for me, Naminé,_ Kairi wrote.

            _Glad to be here for you, Kairi,_ Naminé lied. Telling the truth would hurt too much. And at this point, Naminé wasn’t sure which of them it would hurt more. _Always will be._

 

**Author's Note:**

> So uh  
> Did anyone else realize that Naminé's insistence on rejoining with Kairi could be interpreted as a desire to die?  
> I'm not planning on leaving things like this, but it may be a while, since what I have planned for these two (and some others) is going to be the longest thing I've written yet. I promise it won't be so disheartening. There'll be 100% more Lea in it. It'll be a good time.  
> If you read certain paragraphs in Naminé's part carefully, there's a hint on what it's going to involve. See if the phrasing reminds you of anything.


End file.
